natesmountain (natesmountain) wrote,

Without a Trace

There's a line or two I love in one of the Martin and Danny stories I like. It's like this, "And it strikes Danny as kind of wrong that he can make Martin hard just by looking at him across a room, can make him come almost without having to touch him, bring him to the edge with a few well-placed words softly spoken against his ear, but he doesn't know him well enough to know how to soothe his pain, to put his self-doubt to rest once and for all. He doesn't know what to say." I think self-doubt is something you mostly get from your parents, and I think it comes through generations of people who don't know how to be honest and real with each other or with their children. I hope I can break through some of that with my own children. We're very honest in our house. I can't put my own self-doubts to rest, and my children are pretty aware of those, but I can fight the doubts, ignore them as much as possible, and do my darnedest to help my children do better than I ever will. And that's cause for celebration. Christmas is coming, one of the best celebrations of all, and I have actually done some of the present-buying two days before the day! It's a miracle. I need a tablecloth though. A white one. For our giant table. Might try Briscoes tomorrow, after Mass. I have a vision for the table...

So let's hope God is present. And for you pagans out there, and there seem to be quite a lot of you, well, I hope you have some pagan thing to celebrate. Is it Solstice? Might as well enjoy the festive atmosphere. Guess that goes for the Jews too. Happy Hannukah. Eid seems to have finished late this year as well. So celebrations all round. I'd better go find a very happy mood. I know I have one somewhere, picked one up in a sale recently...

We all need something to believe in. Hope for. Long for. Love.
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