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We were watching Jonestown...

It's late and I'm alone, the X-files has finished and I ought to go to bed. I guess I can say it here because I can't really say it anywhere else - I'm excessively and totally exhausted but there just isn't time to rest. Every day I am flat out teaching or planning or whatever, busy with meetings at breaks, or Departmental stuff, and whenever I'm home I seem to be driving someone somewhere or picking someone up or preparing a meal or shopping at the supermarket. I don't get time to do the housework, and if I am home, I'm too tired to do it. I go to bed at midnight and get up before half past six every day.

Okay, enough of that. At least it feels good to admit it. Am struggling.

I desperately want to write, more than anything. I just want to crawl into my brand new sleeping bag (60% off at Kathmandu, it originally cost $600!- I haven't bought one for about 25 years) and spend a few hours sleeping and writing, in some remote place, a cabin or a nice sheltered clearing in a tent would do. I can't believe how much my heart dreams of writing and I just can't take the time to do so. It's so terribly frustrating, a kind of internal burning, wanting to put pen to paper, create characters, invent situations, struggle with issues and just write, write, write. Maybe I need a sponsor LOL.

I've been reading two books on Exclusive Brethren in NZ and one on Brian Tamaki of the Destiny Church. I've always known a lot about EB but less about the recently formed Destiny. The latter is a cult of fascinating proportions, appearing to be a very good thing but really a tool of one man, a self-appointed Bishop of his own church, a very fundamentalist, anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-sex change, anti so much and, for a strongly Christian faith, expressing a good deal of hatred for these types of people/activities. It's so hard to balance a religion that appears to be so good and so Christian with the 'other side' of the same coin, a patriarchal, sexist, family-values, stay-at-home mum approach that also tithes, expects offerings and firstfruits. I'm very much aware of the doctrine of Catholicism but as I said to the girls today, Catholicism is based on hundreds of years of teaching and Scripture-based scholarly study, and right or not, it can act on its decisions with authority because of that. Destiny... it's a new religious movement. And if they get their way with a gated community, what will that lead to, I wonder?

Man, I'm tired. See you later, my good friends.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
moth2fic
Mar. 26th, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
I have no idea how to get you to get some sleep!! *bg* Or to stop taking on commitments that prevent both sleep and writing... You do it with your eyes open, so presumably there are other rewards!

Cults make me shiver. You know I don't share your beliefs but you must also know I respect beliefs based on, as you put it, teaching and scholarly study. The problem with most cults is the distinct lack of any genuine scholarship to underpin their ideas which then run riot in the wrong hands.
natesmountain
Mar. 27th, 2009 09:01 am (UTC)
-I have no idea how to get you to get some sleep!! *bg* Or to stop taking on commitments that prevent both sleep and writing.
Yeah, well, it's that train I'm on, the life train LOL! It just keeps rolling on down that track at full pace. I have to count on no derailments to get the jobs done. Sunday I'm doing face painting at my son's school gala (after Mass, of course *g*). Still, I will sleep eventually.

-The problem with most cults is the distinct lack of any genuine scholarship to underpin their ideas which then run riot in the wrong hands.
Yeah, you're right, religions are bad enough WITH scholarship, they are too wild without it. People are not safe within that kind of embrace, I suspect.
greenpizzazz6
Mar. 27th, 2009 12:56 am (UTC)
Maybe I need a sponsor LOL.
Writers anon.! Of course, by the time you all started writing a 12-step plan, you'd be done for...

I'm excessively and totally exhausted but there just isn't time to rest
I hate, hate, hate that feeling. I'm sorry you are in that place!
natesmountain
Mar. 27th, 2009 08:52 am (UTC)
Writers anon *snort* sounds like just what I need! But then again, like most addicts, I wouldn't want to give it up!

-I'm sorry you are in that place!
I'm okay, it's just something I have to get through until the end of term or year or until the children leave home or something!!!!
margaret_r
Mar. 27th, 2009 05:49 am (UTC)
I know just how you feel with the exhaustion and wanting so badly to write. I long to write but never have time and if I do have a space to get some done I'm too tired to think. It seems like a vicious circle:-(

And if they get their way with a gated community, what will that lead to, I wonder?
A very sad and intolerant world I imagine.
natesmountain
Mar. 27th, 2009 08:56 am (UTC)
-It seems like a vicious circle:-(
Yeah, it sure does. Round and round, each day laundry, food, dishes, preparing work, teaching, and on and on!!! Argh!!!

A very sad and intolerant world I imagine.
That's what worries me, when a hopeful faith is actually creating more hatred and intolerance in the name of what? A merciful God? I don't get it! And it's not like my own religion hasn't caused enough trouble in its time OMG! What do we learn from all of that!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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