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We were watching Jonestown...

It's late and I'm alone, the X-files has finished and I ought to go to bed. I guess I can say it here because I can't really say it anywhere else - I'm excessively and totally exhausted but there just isn't time to rest. Every day I am flat out teaching or planning or whatever, busy with meetings at breaks, or Departmental stuff, and whenever I'm home I seem to be driving someone somewhere or picking someone up or preparing a meal or shopping at the supermarket. I don't get time to do the housework, and if I am home, I'm too tired to do it. I go to bed at midnight and get up before half past six every day.

Okay, enough of that. At least it feels good to admit it. Am struggling.

I desperately want to write, more than anything. I just want to crawl into my brand new sleeping bag (60% off at Kathmandu, it originally cost $600!- I haven't bought one for about 25 years) and spend a few hours sleeping and writing, in some remote place, a cabin or a nice sheltered clearing in a tent would do. I can't believe how much my heart dreams of writing and I just can't take the time to do so. It's so terribly frustrating, a kind of internal burning, wanting to put pen to paper, create characters, invent situations, struggle with issues and just write, write, write. Maybe I need a sponsor LOL.

I've been reading two books on Exclusive Brethren in NZ and one on Brian Tamaki of the Destiny Church. I've always known a lot about EB but less about the recently formed Destiny. The latter is a cult of fascinating proportions, appearing to be a very good thing but really a tool of one man, a self-appointed Bishop of his own church, a very fundamentalist, anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-sex change, anti so much and, for a strongly Christian faith, expressing a good deal of hatred for these types of people/activities. It's so hard to balance a religion that appears to be so good and so Christian with the 'other side' of the same coin, a patriarchal, sexist, family-values, stay-at-home mum approach that also tithes, expects offerings and firstfruits. I'm very much aware of the doctrine of Catholicism but as I said to the girls today, Catholicism is based on hundreds of years of teaching and Scripture-based scholarly study, and right or not, it can act on its decisions with authority because of that. Destiny... it's a new religious movement. And if they get their way with a gated community, what will that lead to, I wonder?

Man, I'm tired. See you later, my good friends.

Comments

greenpizzazz6
Mar. 27th, 2009 12:56 am (UTC)
Maybe I need a sponsor LOL.
Writers anon.! Of course, by the time you all started writing a 12-step plan, you'd be done for...

I'm excessively and totally exhausted but there just isn't time to rest
I hate, hate, hate that feeling. I'm sorry you are in that place!
natesmountain
Mar. 27th, 2009 08:52 am (UTC)
Writers anon *snort* sounds like just what I need! But then again, like most addicts, I wouldn't want to give it up!

-I'm sorry you are in that place!
I'm okay, it's just something I have to get through until the end of term or year or until the children leave home or something!!!!

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