March 26th, 2009

Te Papa

We were watching Jonestown...

It's late and I'm alone, the X-files has finished and I ought to go to bed. I guess I can say it here because I can't really say it anywhere else - I'm excessively and totally exhausted but there just isn't time to rest. Every day I am flat out teaching or planning or whatever, busy with meetings at breaks, or Departmental stuff, and whenever I'm home I seem to be driving someone somewhere or picking someone up or preparing a meal or shopping at the supermarket. I don't get time to do the housework, and if I am home, I'm too tired to do it. I go to bed at midnight and get up before half past six every day.

Okay, enough of that. At least it feels good to admit it. Am struggling.

I desperately want to write, more than anything. I just want to crawl into my brand new sleeping bag (60% off at Kathmandu, it originally cost $600!- I haven't bought one for about 25 years) and spend a few hours sleeping and writing, in some remote place, a cabin or a nice sheltered clearing in a tent would do. I can't believe how much my heart dreams of writing and I just can't take the time to do so. It's so terribly frustrating, a kind of internal burning, wanting to put pen to paper, create characters, invent situations, struggle with issues and just write, write, write. Maybe I need a sponsor LOL.

I've been reading two books on Exclusive Brethren in NZ and one on Brian Tamaki of the Destiny Church. I've always known a lot about EB but less about the recently formed Destiny. The latter is a cult of fascinating proportions, appearing to be a very good thing but really a tool of one man, a self-appointed Bishop of his own church, a very fundamentalist, anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-sex change, anti so much and, for a strongly Christian faith, expressing a good deal of hatred for these types of people/activities. It's so hard to balance a religion that appears to be so good and so Christian with the 'other side' of the same coin, a patriarchal, sexist, family-values, stay-at-home mum approach that also tithes, expects offerings and firstfruits. I'm very much aware of the doctrine of Catholicism but as I said to the girls today, Catholicism is based on hundreds of years of teaching and Scripture-based scholarly study, and right or not, it can act on its decisions with authority because of that. Destiny... it's a new religious movement. And if they get their way with a gated community, what will that lead to, I wonder?

Man, I'm tired. See you later, my good friends.