natesmountain (natesmountain) wrote,

Self-loathing... for a minute or two

Ever have those days when you just wish you were someone else, anyone but you? It's almost a self-loathing, but thankfully doesn't last too long - I'll snap out of it. But right now... I so wish I wasn't me, in my crowded house, tired, messy, and starting a new year of classes, another round of marking and working and teaching and administration and Masses and liturgies and prayers... OMG this so wasn't my career choice! I just want to get away from myself! I need that lighthouse. Or just a cabin in the woods. I just want to write. And it's so frustrating because it feels like it will never happen. I'll never get time to myself. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

I'm sitting up waiting for Christy to arrive home from Parachute (Christian music festival). She goes every year but I was nervous this year as her friend drove them as a road trip, meeting the bus at various points along the way. Now I just need her to get home on the last leg safely. She just phoned from Plimmerton...

And yeah, back at school. I was cross by 0845 hours so that doesn't bode well. Still, I got a lot done today so surely I'll get there, surely one day, all the jobs will be done? Does it work like that? One of our teachers got married on Sunday and a few other teachers were invited to the wedding. That's fine, I think it's wonderful. But one of the teachers who went emailed us pics of them all having a really good time there and I think that was pretty tacky. Like, we're not invited but look who was. Maybe she didn't mean to convey that message but I imagine the rest of us felt a bit jealous! I did, even though I wouldn't have expected to be invited in a million years. It was still kind of irksome. Painful. Oh well, stuff it, let's move on, huh.

I'd really like to go for a long walk right now but it's nearly midnight. it's hot and humid and windy and dark. There was a strange cat on our porch just now. Hunter would like to go out and join it but I said no, he had to wait for Christy *g*

And the Codfish has GONE GONE GONE. He very grudgingly said thanks to groups who had made his job easier, and actually thanked our music group first LOL! He leaves Wellington tomorrow! We are cast free of his dark shadow of mistrust. What a sad, wounded man he is. I wish him well though. He's replacing a priest dying of cancer and that's not nice. My father's cousin died on Sunday morning from cancer. It must have been awful. She was a fairly prominent female lawyer in our city so it'll be a big funeral, if they actually admit that she died. They're very secretive.

Ooh Christy is back!
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