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I have to let it all out. so I'll take away the comment thingy. I'm not asking for any comments or anything. I don't even want to see who loves me or doesn't. I just have to say it all so I can move along. I don't want to complain around the house. But it's been a hectic weekend - as usual. Friday night wasn't too bad, getting to soccer practice to collect the boys by five, having a quick drink at my friend's house afterwards, going to the supermarket, buying flowers for our neighbours, getting home to cook dinner, but Saturday morning was busy, up at seven to hear the cancellations (it was pouring but nothing was cancelled), netball at eight for Christy, then home to dry everyone off, while Steve was at Asher's soccer, then Finn's soccer at ten thirty. We got soaked again. Back with Finn's friend as well, showered them and put them in the spa to warm up while I washed all the soccer and netball things, and tried to dry some of the shoes. Then lunch for them all, laundry couldn't go on the line because it was pouring with rain. Juggling what can go in the dryer, what can go on the little line etc. Then I took Christy to town to get some clothes for her '60s party that night, and a gift for her friend. That was fun. Then back home to find the boys had gone to the park. It was raining. They arrived back a bit later covered in mud. Washed all their stuff, soaked their shoes in a bucket and then threw them in the machine! Fed everyone afternoon tea. Then just after five it was time to take Christy to her friend's house right across town in Ngaio. Got back at half past six, we made home-made pizzas. I had some falafel but felt sick all night. Woke up every hour hoping desperately that I wouldn't puke. Felt better in the morning. Got up earlyish to go to church, sorted out some problems there, got home in time for all of us to go out to Ngaio to pick up Christy, went to J'ville to get her school shoes, they didn't have her size, so we drove to Porirua and bought those ($98) then fed the children, had a coffee with Steve, back to the pet shop in Kaiwharawhara, bought the rabbit, back home in time to do more washing, tidy up, clear out the guinea pig cage for the rabbit, put a chicken in the oven and stop in time for my friend to come round for coffee. After she went, I made the chicken pie, cleaned up some kitchen stuff, served dinner, then after dinner folded all the washing, supervised everyone showering, helped with the dishes, helped Christy nurse a cold, moved the rabbit hutch into the house for the cold weather, put everyone to bed and now it's nine-thirty. I haven't talked to anyone on email for ages and ages. I hardly get a moment to skim the flist. Even doing that feels indulgent. I have done no school work and no writing and I'm devastated. I desperately wanted to write for at least two or three hours over the weekend and I've done nothing. I take my laptop to bed but immediately I start writing I find that I need to go to sleep. It's like now another week is beginning and I'm not ready. Not not not ready. I"m still kind of calm but just Not Ready.



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