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Assault

You know how the song goes... Teenagers scare the living shit out of me... thanks, My Chemical Romance.

So what happened? Well, my mother is nearly seventy-seven, and has been doing pretty well since my father died. Now, my parents have been well known for taking in waifs and strays - the people I've had to put up with when I was growing up!!! Anyway, on and off over the last couple of years, she has helped out a young student of hers, who has a mad, unstable mother. My mother has taken Chase, the boy, in to stay lots of times when his mother flipped her lid. See, Chase is really talented and has all the potential to be a great singer/entertainer. He's drawn the attention of some big names in NZ entertainment already. My mother has taught him singing on and off over the last probably six or more years, when he was living at home and not with some relative.

We never liked how he was turning out, and Christy got in trouble last Christmas for sticking devil's horns on his photograph!! We were secretly proud of her LOL!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, he's been living in my mother's house for the last six months or so, while trying to finish his final year at high school, and recently it looks like he's been difficult (he's seventeen now) and my mother didn't want to tell us at first but earlier this week he argued with her and pushed her over on the concrete. She only told me yesterday when I phoned. You know what? I don't think it's the first time he's hurt her...

My brother in Oz wants to come over and kill him. We never liked him and said so often enough. My mother has made him leave her house now, and says she'll never take him in again. But she is soft. She did enjoy his company. And it wasn't like my father wasn't aggressive quite often. I'm scared for her. We're going to go up there next week, after Christy's surgeon appointment. How could a seventeen year old boy assault a seventy-six year old woman? One who really cared for his welfare and his future? It's so awful. Makes me feel really ill.

Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
sashajwolf
Sep. 23rd, 2007 03:26 pm (UTC)
Eek! That really is awful :-(
natesmountain
Sep. 24th, 2007 05:46 am (UTC)
Yeah, it's so unfair. *sigh* and Mass was all about helping the poor and oppressed!

Thanks.
greenpizzazz6
Sep. 23rd, 2007 04:54 pm (UTC)
Aw, that's so awful. After she takes him in and gives him a home, that he would treat her like that is disgusting. It's too bad that there's awful people like that in this world.
natesmountain
Sep. 24th, 2007 05:49 am (UTC)
-It's too bad that there's awful people like that in this world.
Yeah, it's irritating to always find yourself making excuses for people and their bad behaviour, like 'they didn't have a chance' or 'it's their parents' fault' or 'it's because of their friends' but really, when it comes down to it, some people just choose to be pathetic and bad, huh.
Still, I know my mother will bounce back!
greenpizzazz6
Sep. 24th, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC)
Yes, I'm sure she will bounce back.

some people just choose to be pathetic and bad, huh.
Yup. Some people just suck.
(Deleted comment)
natesmountain
Sep. 24th, 2007 05:50 am (UTC)
Yeah, thank you. It is such a shame. And you kind of expect a musician to have a little more sensibility... then again... musical people... *g* always difficult! But yeah, like I said to Cari, I guess my mother will bounce back, as usual.
suilven
Sep. 23rd, 2007 09:28 pm (UTC)
How could a seventeen year old boy assault a seventy-six year old woman? One who really cared for his welfare and his future?
Yes, it is terrible but pretty much part of the course for children and young people like him. Not unusual for them to test people out through their behaviour. When she throws him out, he can say, " See? she didn't care/love me after all, or it can allow him to say, see? I am unloveable indeed.

Doesn't make it any easier for everyone picking up the pieces, including you. Hope your mum recovers okay.
natesmountain
Sep. 24th, 2007 05:57 am (UTC)
My mother will recover. She can get over anything.

-Not unusual for them to test people out through their behaviour. When she throws him out, he can say, " See? she didn't care/love me after all, or it can allow him to say, see? I am unloveable indeed.
She made sure they had 'made up' before she kicked him out a couple of days later. And made sure he had somewhere to go. And I don't think this was 'usual' behaviour... my children wouldn't do that. Then again, I'm stable and Chase's mother is an idiot. And is that making excuses or facing facts?

One of my friends who has a daughter the same age as Christy said the other day that her daughter hits her to get her way. I told her it has to stop, but she doesn't know how to stop it. If she gets tough, the girl runs to her grandmother. It's hard, for sure, being a parent of a teenager. Then again, I think it's great!
vivh
Sep. 24th, 2007 07:44 am (UTC)
I've been thinking about this since you first posted it, and first up I need to make it clear that I don't believe that there any excuse for a 17 year old boy to assault a seventy year old woman, none at all...

But I've been thinking about the scarcely controllable anger I sometimes observe in David and Matthew, it's like little boys suddenly find themselves in powerful adult male bodies... they know that if they let rip like they would have done a year or two back they would do real damage, they have to fight to control it.... mostly they manage it, they certainly do not hit me... just occasionally an inanimate object does receive the full force of their anger....

I think what I'm trying to say is that teenage anger (particularly in boys) is very scary... not least to the boys themselves.

BUT and it's a big but, once Chase lost control and treated your mother that way, it was wrong, and having done it once he cannot remain there, if it happens even once the respect has gone... so very sad, for both of them in some ways...
natesmountain
Sep. 24th, 2007 09:04 am (UTC)
-it's like little boys suddenly find themselves in powerful adult male bodies
I saw that a lot in the boys at Strathmore, growing strong but with no self-control or limits.
-I think what I'm trying to say is that teenage anger (particularly in boys) is very scary... not least to the boys themselves.
You're right, teenage anger, especially in boys, is quite frightening. I think maybe I'm very safe teaching in a teenage girls' school by comparison.
-it's a big but, once Chase lost control and treated your mother that way, it was wrong, and having done it once he cannot remain there, if it happens even once the respect has gone
I think that's right, too. Once a man hits a woman, it's very likely he will hit harder next time. And I'm wondering if Chase hasn't done this a weeny bit before and my mother never said...
but it is very sad for both, my mother for the company and support, Chase because his own mother won't help him with his future, in fact will hinder him, as she has done all his life. Yeah, sad.
And thanks for your measured comments, I do appreciate your thoughtfulness xx
suilven
Sep. 24th, 2007 08:44 am (UTC)
And I don't think this was 'usual' behaviour... my children wouldn't do that. Then again, I'm stable and Chase's mother is an idiot.

See it all the time in Child/Young Peoples Psychiatry. Children pushing, pushing, pushing, testing, testing, testing, no matter how good the set-up is that they have gone into. Classic. Doesn't make it acceptable and good for your mother to have sorted it but also stuck to her guns. He has a choice in this too and in how he behaves.



natesmountain
Sep. 24th, 2007 09:10 am (UTC)
-Children pushing, pushing, pushing, testing, testing, testing,
Our guidance counsellor at school says you need to put up 'fences' for children and there are three types of children, the ones who look over at the fence and say, 'yeah, there it is', the ones who rush up to the fence occasionally and maybe even climb on it, and the ones who rush headlong at the fence, flatten it and keep running!

I was impressed with my mother. When the boy kept closing the computer room door, against my advice and my mother's wishes, my mother had someone come and take off the door!! So she was probably too good a fence builder for the boy, who has never really had to be fenced in before in a sensible, secure way - so eventually he lashed out.
moth2fic
Sep. 24th, 2007 01:08 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you're going up there. She needs you.

And someone else needs to know - whether it's a neighbour or a social worker or whatever - partly to protect/keep an eye on your Mum and partly to watch out for Chase because he could do it again. I'm sure Steve's already said all this!

Chase sounds very mixed up and perhaps needs help. But your concern is your Mum and we will all be thinking of you.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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